Sarcasm One Sided And Rush End Core

Nothing's working

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 18:35:57 GMT

I can't seem to do anything but eat, smoke and watch TV. My apathy is at an all time high, and I have no idea what to do about it.

Oh yeah, one month and 5 days since the last time I SI'ed. Fear it.

Eat bugs, don't do drugs.

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 22:07:50 GMT

It seems like all day I want nothing more than to go home and play video games...but once I get home all I want to do is drive around.

Troy wasn't at school today, and I was suprisingly...dissapointed. If I just keep denying it eventually it will go away, because I don't see myself marrying him or anything like that, and as a junior in high school I don't think I should date anyone unless I want to persue a lifetime together.

Then we saw a motivational speaker. I used to watch Survivor, ok? And I remember watching that season and knowing that Mike was gonna win, it wasn't his fault he passed out in a fire. Everyone was so rude. I just sat there....thinking, and being annoyed. Chantelle thought there was something rude, and maybe I don't want to hear another speech on how bad smoking is, but at least I have enough respect for someone to listen to what they're saying if they're taking the time out of their life to reach out to us.

I like talking to Nick, indeed I do.

The Pretty Little Dolly

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 02:09:44 GMT

This year I went to Kill Hannah's "New Heart for Xmas III", and it was fucking amazing. When they sang the song "New Heart For Xmas" they had a bubble machine make tiny tiny bubbles to imitate snow. It was...amazing. Matt was so sweet, you could tell how much he loved being there and performing. He also wore really tight pants >D. Basically, one of the most fun concerts I've been to in awhile. I wished I was closer, but...I was there, and it was still amazing.

Then today, it was nice I guess. I was sooooo tired all day though. I mean, for the concert yesterday we left Waukesha around 1 (to avoid traffic) and then the concert wore both me and Casey out so much, so when I got home at 1 AM I fell right asleep and then I woke up semi-early (9:30) but I just laid there forever, I was so tired from it all.

Either way, we had a family thing for Tracy's family today. I got a Chia Pet and a gift card for Walmart music. I don't get it, I think I'm supposed to go to Walmart.com and download music or something? I hope I can just go to Walmart and buy CDs...because that would be a lot better...even though walmart's music sucks (everything is edited ;_;). I guess we'll see =\. We only stayed there for 3.5 hours, then we came back to my house and watched Forrest Gump and opened some other presents.

I still don't feel the way I used to feel about Christmas. I know it's Christmas Eve, but I still don't feel the magic and specialness I used to feel. Even though I'm materialistic, I just don't look forward to gifts as much I guess. Whatever. I DO like giving presens though. So I guess things are balanced..somehow? I'm new at this whole "perfection through balance" thing.

Time to go to my other LJ account and read nothing but posts on what my friends have gotten for Christmas so far.

*Giggle*....Matt Devine =)

H'ok

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 09:19:13 GMT

I guess I might just continue the use of this journal as friends only and add members of "OnlyMyChoice" or "lovexmyxcrimson" since I have to use this sn that none of my friends know about so that they don't think/know that I'm suicidal and/or still a cutter. And any random passer byer who wants to comment on how suicide is bad and how cutters are freaks can lick a monkey's nuts for all I care.

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 02:24:49 GMT